“I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?”
Over-, under- or just plain whelmed, I’ve been all three this week. Take a normally busy schedule and throw in a totaled car, and you’ve got a recipe for nonstop phone calls, very little sleep and trying to squeeze a lot of activity into a limited amount of time.
Everyone’s had a week like this: a week when it seems impossible to get everything done. When you just can’t reschedule on the same person again, but don’t know what else to do. When something–be it personal bad news, a car accident, or an enormous project at work–lands on your plate and cracks the whole thing.
When it comes to banishing overwhelm, my first thought goes to the importance of one old truism: “focus on what really matters.” You know, nice things like safety and support and love during a difficult time. All amazing things. But honestly? That’s not very helpful.
While perspective is great and can certainly help you check yourself before melting into a blob of self-pity (not that anyone who writes this blog has ever done that), it won’t actually help you get down to business in a way that cuts through the overwhelm and helps you emerge feeling powerfully capable of overcoming a rough patch. That takes a dash of reflection but requires a heavy helping of pragmatism.
If you’re feeling frenzied, slogging through an endless to do list, or feeling like you’re going to snap the next time someone slaps an urgent assignment on your desk…this post is for you.
How to Banish Overwhelm and Just. Get. Through. This.
1. Make a list of what’s weighing on you. This includes concrete things, like events and meetings, as well as more abstract feelings of obligation like “be a good partner,” “be extra attentive to my friend who’s also going through a rough patch,” “be the office champion of all the things.”
2. Divide and conquer. Go through the list and figure out which items fit the following categories:
B) There is an absolutely inflexible timeline, not controlled by you.
C) The repercussions of not completing these tasks will create additional problems in the long run.
If you’re hemorrhaging energy and focus, these are the tasks you have to prioritize. That said, you may be able to speak with anyone else involved about your situation to see if you can redistribute responsibilities or move any internal deadlines. Remember, too, that your health and well-being fall into this category.
3. Rank your other priorities. What needs to get done today? This week? This year? You may find that, with new circumstances in mind, certain goals need to be revised. Certain tasks may seem completely unnecessary whereas before you took them for granted as a part of your life.
4. Say no to everything! No new pick-your-brain-coffees, no immediate, additional projects (as long as you can help it!), no new promises to catch up with someone–they don’t have to happen right now. Make an “after overwhelm” list, set it aside in your planner or make a few calendar dates to check in with yourself, but don’t feel like you have to add more things to your schedule right now.
This step is where I always falter. I think, “this week is so busy, but everything should be clear by next week. We can just do it then!” Then the overwhelming situation doesn’t wrap up in a neat and tidy fashion, leaving me with another busy week, another load of overwhelm, and that smart-alecky voice reminding me that I did this to myself. Here’s my favorite script for saying no to everything.
5. Carry on as best you can, with patience and compassion for yourself, and empathy for others. Get things done like a boss. Cut the extra hour on Twitter (ahem, self). Put first things first, and I promise, it will get better.
After the Storm: Rebuilding Your Momentum
Once the immediate crisis has passed and the most urgent tasks are handled, it's tempting to collapse into a heap and declare victory. But the aftermath of overwhelm often brings its own challenges: a backlog of postponed items, a lingering sense of fatigue, and a sneaky little voice whispering that you're dangerously behind. The key here is not to sprint to catch up—that's a recipe for another crash. Instead, treat the recovery period with the same deliberate care you gave the crisis itself.
Start by scheduling a brief "reset" window. Block off an hour or two (or a full evening if you can) to review your lists, acknowledge what you accomplished, and gently re-prioritize what remains. Remember: not everything you set aside during the overwhelm actually needs to come back onto your plate. Some tasks may have lost their urgency, and others might be delegatable or dismissible altogether. Give yourself permission to let go of the things that no longer serve you.
When Overwhelm Becomes Your Default Setting
If you find that you're lurching from one overwhelming week to the next, it might be time to take a harder look at your baseline. Chronic overwhelm is not a badge of honor; it's a signal that your systems, expectations, or boundaries need adjustment. Maybe you've said "yes" to too many long-term commitments, or perhaps your work environment has normalized a frantic pace that isn't sustainable. Either way, white-knuckling through every week isn't a long-term strategy.
Consider conducting a personal energy audit. For one week, jot down what activities drain you and which ones replenish you. Look for patterns: Are there recurring meetings that could be shortened or skipped? Are you spending too much time on low-impact tasks? Sometimes simply becoming aware of where your energy goes is enough to spark meaningful change. And if the overwhelm stems from something bigger—like a toxic workplace or an unhealthy relationship—know that it's okay to seek support or make a bigger change.
Small Wins, Big Relief: The Power of Momentum
When you're deep in the overwhelm weeds, even the thought of tackling a major project can feel paralyzing. That's why the concept of "small wins" is so powerful. Instead of staring at a mountain of to-dos, pick the smallest possible action that moves you forward—even if it's just sending one email or making one phone call. Each tiny victory releases a bit of dopamine, giving you the fuel to take the next step.
Here are a few ways to cultivate small wins throughout your day:
- Break large tasks into bite-sized chunks and focus on one chunk at a time.
- Set a timer for 10 minutes and commit to working on something you've been avoiding—just 10 minutes.
- End each day by writing down three things you accomplished, no matter how insignificant they seem.
Choose three "must-do" items each morning (the ones that would make the day feel successful even if nothing else gets done). Write them down and commit to completing them before you allow yourself to get sidetracked by less important tasks. At the end of the day, celebrate those three wins, no matter how small they seem. Over time, this practice not only reduces overwhelm but also builds a sense of competence and control.
Communicating Boundaries Without Guilt
One of the hardest parts of navigating overwhelm is telling people "no"—especially when you pride yourself on being reliable. But boundaries aren't walls; they're bridges to healthier relationships and a saner you. The key is to communicate your limits with clarity and kindness, and to offer alternatives when possible. For example: "I'd love to help with that project, but I'm at capacity this week. Could we revisit it next Monday?" or "I need to step back from this committee for now, but I can help transition someone else into the role."
Remember that most reasonable people will understand—and those who don't may be revealing more about their own expectations than about your worth. You don't need to over-explain or apologize excessively. A simple, firm, and friendly "no" is a complete sentence. And when you consistently honor your own boundaries, you teach others to do the same.