“I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?”
Over-, under- or just plain whelmed, I’ve been all three this week. Take a normally busy schedule and throw in a totaled car, and you’ve got a recipe for nonstop phone calls, very little sleep and trying to squeeze a lot of activity into a limited amount of time.
Everyone’s had a week like this: a week when it seems impossible to get everything done. When you just can’t reschedule on the same person again, but don’t know what else to do. When something–be it personal bad news, a car accident, or an enormous project at work–lands on your plate and cracks the whole thing.
When it comes to banishing overwhelm, my first thought goes to the importance of one old truism: “focus on what really matters.” You know, nice things like safety and support and love during a difficult time. All amazing things. But honestly? That’s not very helpful.
While perspective is great and can certainly help you check yourself before melting into a blob of self-pity (not that anyone who writes this blog has ever done that), it won’t actually help you get down to business in a way that cuts through the overwhelm and helps you emerge feeling powerfully capable of overcoming a rough patch. That takes a dash of reflection but requires a heavy helping of pragmatism.
If you’re feeling frenzied, slogging through an endless to do list, or feeling like you’re going to snap the next time someone slaps an urgent assignment on your desk…this post is for you.
How to Banish Overwhelm and Just. Get. Through. This.
1. Make a list of what’s weighing on you. This includes concrete things, like events and meetings, as well as more abstract feelings of obligation like “be a good partner,” “be extra attentive to my friend who’s also going through a rough patch,” “be the office champion of all the things.”
2. Divide and conquer. Go through the list and figure out which items fit the following categories:
B) There is an absolutely inflexible timeline, not controlled by you.
C) The repercussions of not completing these tasks will create additional problems in the long run.
If you’re hemorrhaging energy and focus, these are the tasks you have to prioritize. That said, you may be able to speak with anyone else involved about your situation to see if you can redistribute responsibilities or move any internal deadlines. Remember, too, that your health and well-being fall into this category.
3. Rank your other priorities. What needs to get done today? This week? This year? You may find that, with new circumstances in mind, certain goals need to be revised. Certain tasks may seem completely unnecessary whereas before you took them for granted as a part of your life.
4. Say no to everything! No new pick-your-brain-coffees, no immediate, additional projects (as long as you can help it!), no new promises to catch up with someone–they don’t have to happen right now. Make an “after overwhelm” list, set it aside in your planner or make a few calendar dates to check in with yourself, but don’t feel like you have to add more things to your schedule right now.
This step is where I always falter. I think, “this week is so busy, but everything should be clear by next week. We can just do it then!” Then the overwhelming situation doesn’t wrap up in a neat and tidy fashion, leaving me with another busy week, another load of overwhelm, and that smart-alecky voice reminding me that I did this to myself. Here’s my favorite script for saying no to everything.
5. Carry on as best you can, with patience and compassion for yourself, and empathy for others. Get things done like a boss. Cut the extra hour on Twitter (ahem, self). Put first things first, and I promise, it will get better.
Why Overwhelm Happens to the Best of Us
Overwhelm isn't a sign of weakness or poor planning. It's a natural response to having more demands than resources—time, energy, attention. In a culture that prizes busyness, we often stack our plates until something cracks. The key is not to avoid overwhelm entirely (impossible) but to recognize it early and respond with strategy rather than panic.
Think of your capacity as a battery. Each task, worry, or obligation drains a bit of charge. When the battery runs low, everything feels harder, and even small requests can trigger a meltdown. That's why step one—making a list—is so crucial: it externalizes the load and gives you a clear picture of what's actually draining you.
Many of us also carry invisible burdens: emotional labor, mental load, the pressure to appear put-together. These don't show up on a to-do list but weigh heavily. Acknowledging them is the first step to managing them.
How to Actually Use the Divide-and-Conquer Method
The three categories from the original list—inflexible timelines, tasks with long-term consequences, and health—are your non-negotiables. But how do you handle the gray areas? Here's a quick rule of thumb: if a task doesn't meet any of those criteria, it's negotiable. You can postpone it, delegate it, or delete it.
For example, that coffee date with a friend? It's important, but it can wait a week. The report due tomorrow? That's an inflexible timeline. The gym session? That falls under health—don't skip it, but maybe shorten it. Use the categories as a filter for every new request that comes in during your overwhelm period.
It helps to write these categories down on a sticky note and keep them visible. When your boss dumps another project on you, glance at the note: "Does this have an inflexible timeline? Will it create more problems if I don't do it now? Is it tied to my health?" If not, you have permission to say "not right now."
The Art of Saying No (Without Guilt)
Saying no is a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. The overwhelm period is the perfect time to flex that muscle. Start with low-stakes situations: declining an invitation to a party you don't want to attend, or turning down a non-urgent favor. Use simple, kind scripts like, "I'd love to help, but I'm at capacity this week. Can we revisit next month?"
Remember that saying no to something is saying yes to something else—your sanity, your health, your ability to show up for the things that truly matter. Guilt is a natural response, but it's not a sign you did something wrong. It's just your brain's way of second-guessing. Acknowledge it and move on.
If you struggle with this, try the "delay" tactic: "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." This buys you time to evaluate whether the request fits into your priorities. Often, after a few hours, the urgency fades and you can say no more easily.
What to Do When Overwhelm Lingers
Sometimes the overwhelm doesn't lift in a week or two. If you find yourself constantly running on empty, it might be time to examine deeper patterns. Are you overcommitting in general? Do you have trouble setting boundaries? Are you taking on other people's problems as your own?
Consider talking to a therapist or coach who can help you untangle these patterns. There's no shame in seeking support—it's a sign of strength to recognize when you need a new set of tools. You can also look at your environment: is your workspace chaotic? Are you getting enough sleep? Small adjustments can make a big difference in your capacity.
One of my favorite strategies is to audit my week: for one week, track how you spend every hour. At the end, look for time leaks—scrolling social media, waiting in lines, or doing tasks that could be automated or delegated. Redirect that reclaimed time to rest or high-priority items.
A Final Word: Be Kind to Yourself
When you're in the thick of overwhelm, it's easy to beat yourself up for not being more efficient or for letting things slip. But self-criticism only drains your battery further. Instead, treat yourself like you would a good friend: with compassion, encouragement, and maybe a gentle nudge.
Remember that this too shall pass. You have survived every overwhelming week you've ever had, and you'll survive this one. The goal isn't perfection; it's just getting through with your sanity intact. And if all else fails, there's always chocolate. Or a long walk. Or both.
So take a deep breath, grab a notebook, and start making that list. You've got this.